Ravey Davey, has waded into the
debate on the recent smog epidemic which has enveloped Britain over the past
week. The beleaguered Prime Minister
claimed that the situation was caused by them dirty Africans sending us their
filthy dust, no doubt riddled with Ebola as well.
Initially fobbed off as innocuous
mist and fog, weather experts finally
had to admit that the miasma covering large parts of the country was not caused
by ‘naturally occurring weather’ but was
in fact a foul cloud of poison. To take
our minds off the risk of death from what historians would call ‘a pea souper’,
meteorologists have been conspiring with politicians and coming up with pretty
maps in bright colours to seemingly demonstrate how the earth’s air flow has
created the problem.
As it became apparent that the
public were not buying into this charade, and in a bid to deflect blame from
the money factories of London, experts
are now saying that the mucky air is a ‘toxic
mix’ of contaminated dust from the Sahara and pollutants sent over from France,
designed specifically to annoy Nigel Farage.
Unfortunately however, the event
has coincided with an Ebola outbreak in sub-Saharan Africa meaning that there
is an added danger of the UK being overrun by Zombies before the weekend.
A scientist said: “this ‘perfect
storm’ of unseasonal weather combined with tainted air from the African
continent and effluence from the Euro zone has created ideal conditions for the
Zombie plague.”
In a desperate attempt to mitigate
widespread panic, Ravey Davey appeared on prime time TV saying: “I think it is
only right for me to reassure hard working families up and down the country that
my mates in the financial sector are in no way to blame for this situation. What we are facing is a global problem,
caused mainly by Africans in league with the French. And let’s not forget that
the previous government created the conditions to allow this sort of thing to
happen. Anyone who says any different is
just plain wrong.”
Whilst namby pamby Southerners
have been whinging about their cars being encrusted by the muck falling out of
the sky, the rest of the country has had to grin and bear it, being largely
ignored by the mainstream media. People
as far north as the Outer Hebrides have reported sightings of hordes of the
undead roaming the streets caked in red dust and screaming ‘unclean!’
It is estimated that by the time
the adulterated air has been blown away northwards to blight the smug Nordic
tribes, 80% of the population of Britain will have become infected.
