Best film (all categories)
Beasts
of the Southern Wild– A great film with brilliant stroy-telling, excellent
child acting and ace music
Most entertaining
Dark
Shadows - Very funny, especially Jonny Depp’s English-speak
Best script
Argo
- ‘Argo fuck yerself’ being the best line
Worst film (all categories)
Rock
of Ages - Absolutely terrible film. I
was even driven to write review on Lovefilm to warn others!
Close second and third
Dredd
– Atrocious! Cheap and rubbish plot
Django
Unchained - very disappointing. Not nearly as funny as expected and Sam Jackson
is actually blacked up – WTF!
Best British film
Sightseers
– An interesting premise and quite funny
British film with worst casting
The Sweeney
– Quite an entertaining if silly film but what is Plan B doing in it?
Worst British film
London
Boulevard – What was Keira Knightly thinking?
Best foreign film
Tulpan
– The first Kazakh film I think I’ve ever watched. Interesting and entertaining
Strangest foreign film
Yamada (The Samurai of
Ayothaya) – A weird Thai martial arts do
Best life-affirming
The
Concert - A gently funny, life affirming affair
Close second
Live
and Become – An interesting story about an Ethiopian boy who goes to Israel
Best Nordic noir
King
of Devil’s island – Brutal and stark real-life tale of grimness
Shiniest sci-fi
Oblivion
- Quite good for a clap trap sci-fi film despite starring tiny Tom Cruise
Weirdest sci-fi
Prometheus
- A strange film; which started life as
a tie in to Alien but took on a life of its own. (One thing you can say for old
Ridley though, whether it’s an historical epic or a sci-fi romp, the plot is
going to be ludicrous – see Robin Hood as aired on Boxing Day 2012 for details)
Weirdest Zombie film
Deathwatch
- WW1 zombie trench horror; funny and yucky in equal measure
Funniest Zombie film
Cockneys
Vs Zombies – as well being very funny, lovely to see a bunch of OAPs stickin’
it to The Man!
Zombie film with
daftest plot
World War Z - I mean, no way would planes still be flying
about during a world-wide Zombie apocalypse!
Best Nazi Zombie film
War of
the Dead – but still not a patch on Dead Snow which is still my all-time
favourite Nazi Zombie flick
Best vampire film
Abraham
Lincoln Vampire Hunter – surprisingly entertaining
Best Vampire/Zombie hybrid
Stake
Land - Low budget vampire/zombie western. Imaginative and with cool music
Best Western
Wyatt
Earp’s Revenge - Very good and an excellent portrayal of Doc Holliday
Best comedy Nazis
Iron
Sky - Very funny film. Comedy Nazis in space. Fantastic!
Strangest undead- Nazis- but-
not- Zombies
Bloodstorm
– Norwegian film featuring not-dead Nazis at the centre of the earth, with a
weird terminator Hitler – completely bonkers!
Best action flick
Fast
& Furious 6 – A glorious romp through shiny London
Close second
Iron
Man 3 - Totally barmy but entertaining.
Ben Kingsley is ace
Most disappointing action flick
A Good
Day to Die Hard - disappointingly not Christmassy
Token thriller flick
Abduction
- okay and keeps you guessing, but a disappointingly fizzly end
Best historical romp
The
Great Revival – Chinese government funded epic about the start of the CCP. Revisionist
but interesting
Best re-telling of a Greek myth
Wrath
of the Titans - Better than Clash of the Titans, in spite of what the reviews
say. And rattles along at a fair old lick
Best pre-historic epic
AO The
Last Hunter - Good except for the totally unnecessary voice over
Best WWII film
Days
of Glory – Very grim but good film about Africans fighting for France
Close second
The
Round Up - not cheery but some excellent funny child acting
Worst anti-Nazi film ever
Army
of resistance – I wanted the goodies to die as much as the Nazis. Terrible!
Best satire
God
Bless America - Gun-rampage satire with a few twists
Most convoluted
Cloud
Atlas – Very nice to look at but contrived and far too long
Close second
Trance
- Quite good and shiny with great music but a bit convoluted
Greatest missed opportunity
Jonah
Hex – A great premise and some brilliant crows but far too short – and it’s not
often I say that
Weirdest Bollywood
Endhiron
– a sort of Bollywood sci-fi in Tamil. Incredibly daft but a lot of fun, if a
bit long.
Weirdest James Bond movie
Skyfall
– The oddest James Bond I’ve ever
seen!
Best portrayal of a has-been
This
Must Be The Place - Very good and funny in a nice gentle way
Best re-retelling of Moby Dick
Age of
the Dragons – Interesting and imaginative
Craziest kids’ film
Puss
in Boots - Excellent animation and funny dialogue
Worst kids’ film
Hunger Games – Absolute rubbish and far too
long. I just couldn’t accept the basic premise and it is so lame and
predictable
Best blast from the past
The
Final Programme – re-released in September 2013, it really is an odd do and
very of its time
Worst CGI
Doomsday
Prophecy - Very cheap TVM with worst CGI ever, but a laugh
That-franchise-has-run-too-long
now
Resident
Evil – Retribution - Same old bollocks
Most
disappointing watch
Dark
City - As recommended by bloke in pub. A very strange movie in which Keifer
Sutherland talks... In... A... Really... Annoying... Staccato,,. Fashion...
All...The way... Through
Most revisionist
Angels
of Evil- Okay to watch but trying to make out some 1970’s Italian gangster was
like some cool Baader Meinhoff dude was annoying. Some good clothes though
Most overrated
A
Field in England – I must admit I didn’t really get it; the film or the rave
reviews
