Review of Films Watched During 2013

Best film (all categories)

Beasts of the Southern Wild– A great film with brilliant stroy-telling, excellent child acting and ace music

Most entertaining

Dark Shadows - Very funny, especially Jonny Depp’s English-speak 

Best script

Argo - ‘Argo fuck yerself’ being the best line

Worst film (all categories)

Rock of Ages - Absolutely terrible film.  I was even driven to write review on Lovefilm to warn others!

Close second and third

Dredd – Atrocious!  Cheap and rubbish plot

Django Unchained - very disappointing. Not nearly as funny as expected and Sam Jackson is actually blacked up – WTF!

Best British film

Sightseers – An interesting premise and quite funny 

British film with worst casting

The Sweeney – Quite an entertaining if silly film but what is Plan B doing in it?

Worst British film

London Boulevard – What was Keira Knightly thinking?

Best foreign film

Tulpan – The first Kazakh film I think I’ve ever watched. Interesting and entertaining

Strangest foreign film

Yamada (The Samurai of Ayothaya) – A weird Thai martial arts do

Best life-affirming

The Concert - A gently funny, life affirming affair

Close second

Live and Become – An interesting story about an Ethiopian boy who goes to Israel

Best Nordic noir

King of Devil’s island – Brutal and stark real-life tale of grimness

Shiniest sci-fi

Oblivion - Quite good for a clap trap sci-fi film despite starring tiny Tom Cruise

Weirdest sci-fi

Prometheus -  A strange film; which started life as a tie in to Alien but took on a life of its own. (One thing you can say for old Ridley though, whether it’s an historical epic or a sci-fi romp, the plot is going to be ludicrous – see Robin Hood as aired on Boxing Day 2012 for details)

Weirdest Zombie film

Deathwatch - WW1 zombie trench horror; funny and yucky in equal measure

Funniest Zombie film

Cockneys Vs Zombies – as well being very funny, lovely to see a bunch of OAPs stickin’ it to The Man! 

Zombie film with daftest plot

World War Z - I mean, no way would planes still be flying about during a world-wide Zombie apocalypse!

Best Nazi Zombie film

War of the Dead – but still not a patch on Dead Snow which is still my all-time favourite Nazi Zombie flick 

Best vampire film

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter – surprisingly entertaining

Best Vampire/Zombie hybrid

Stake Land - Low budget vampire/zombie western. Imaginative and with cool music 

Best Western

Wyatt Earp’s Revenge - Very good and an excellent portrayal of Doc Holliday

Best comedy Nazis

Iron Sky - Very funny film. Comedy Nazis in space. Fantastic!

Strangest undead- Nazis- but- not- Zombies

Bloodstorm – Norwegian film featuring not-dead Nazis at the centre of the earth, with a weird terminator Hitler – completely bonkers!

Best action flick

Fast & Furious 6 – A glorious romp through shiny London

Close second

Iron Man 3  - Totally barmy but entertaining. Ben Kingsley is ace

Most disappointing action flick

A Good Day to Die Hard - disappointingly not Christmassy

Token thriller flick

Abduction - okay and keeps you guessing, but a disappointingly fizzly end

Best historical romp

The Great Revival – Chinese government funded epic about the start of the CCP. Revisionist but interesting

Best re-telling of a Greek myth

Wrath of the Titans - Better than Clash of the Titans, in spite of what the reviews say. And rattles along at a fair old lick

Best pre-historic epic

AO The Last Hunter - Good except for the totally unnecessary voice over

Best WWII film

Days of Glory – Very grim but good film about Africans fighting for France

Close second

The Round Up - not cheery but some excellent funny child acting

Worst anti-Nazi film ever

Army of resistance – I wanted the goodies to die as much as the Nazis. Terrible!

Best satire

God Bless America - Gun-rampage satire with a few twists

Most convoluted

Cloud Atlas – Very nice to look at but contrived and far too long 

Close second

Trance - Quite good and shiny with great music but a bit convoluted

Greatest missed opportunity

Jonah Hex – A great premise and some brilliant crows but far too short – and it’s not often I say that

Weirdest Bollywood

Endhiron – a sort of Bollywood sci-fi in Tamil. Incredibly daft but a lot of fun, if a bit long.

Weirdest James Bond movie

Skyfall  – The oddest James Bond I’ve ever seen! 

Best portrayal of a has-been

This Must Be The Place - Very good and funny in a nice gentle way

Best re-retelling of Moby Dick

Age of the Dragons – Interesting and imaginative

Craziest kids’ film

Puss in Boots - Excellent animation and funny dialogue

Worst kids’ film

 Hunger Games – Absolute rubbish and far too long. I just couldn’t accept the basic premise and it is so lame and predictable

Best blast from the past

The Final Programme – re-released in September 2013, it really is an odd do and very of its time

Worst CGI

Doomsday Prophecy - Very cheap TVM with worst CGI ever, but a laugh

That-franchise-has-run-too-long now

Resident Evil – Retribution - Same old bollocks

Most disappointing watch

Dark City - As recommended by bloke in pub. A very strange movie in which Keifer Sutherland talks... In... A... Really... Annoying... Staccato,,. Fashion... All...The way... Through

Most revisionist

Angels of Evil- Okay to watch but trying to make out some 1970’s Italian gangster was like some cool Baader Meinhoff dude was annoying. Some good clothes though

Most overrated

A Field in England – I must admit I didn’t really get it; the film or the rave reviews