UKIP leader Nigel Farage NOT standing to be next emperor of Japan

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has said he will not stand in the forthcoming elections for emperor of Japan, it has been revealed.

 

In a blatant attempt to continue hogging the TV news, Mr Farage issued the shock statement this morning, to a BBC journalist in a raincoat, who was hanging around street corners just in case something didn’t happen.  

Farage said that his decision was nothing to do with not wanting to look like “a total tosspot” by entering the contest, as he did not "have any links with the Far East ", adding that he wanted to focus instead on pretending not to be a racist twat, despite mounting evidence that UKIP is full of obnoxious bigots who can’t keep their vile traps shut.

Farage was keen to stress that his major focus was on waging war with Europeans and insisted that if he got elected, he would campaign vigorously for the walls around Calais to be re –erected so that none of them “foreign scum would make it ‘beyond the pale’ “.

But John Knowitall, a top professor of politics at the University of Studies, said UKIP would be "trying to succeed on the back of Farage not going to do anything, ever".

The news comes just days after it was revealed that Farage will not be running for President of North Korea or as World Wide Ambassador for Refugees and Asylum Seekers.

Mr Farage told the BBC: "I haven't had long to think about it but I have thought about it in a half-arsed way, and we're just over three weeks away from a war with Europe at which I think UKIP could be victorious, and from which we can go on and win not just against the Europeans but quite a lot of Asia as well.  For that reason I don't want to do anything that deflects from the main battle, so I'm not going to stand for this particular dictatorship”.

Asked whether he had decided not to run for fear of losing, Mr Farage rambled: "It's about choosing the right battles. It's about prioritising and I know that if I were to have said yes to standing in Japan the next three weeks would be dominated by am I going to win, am I not going to win, and we wouldn't be talking about actors masquerading as immigrants, straight bananas and namby pamby green politics.

Prof. Knowitall added: “He is a total idiot peddling a load of nonsense based on nothing”.