Film Reviews 2019

Best Thriller - Arctic. Surprisingly watchable survival flick with Mads Mikkelsen and lots of snow and ice.  Apparently filmed in 19 days.  Amazing! (Netflix)

Best Sci-fi - I think We’re Alone Now. Thought-provoking, post-apocalyptic tale.  Peter Dinklage plays a man who thinks he’s alone, then meets a woman and her weird ‘parents’...  (Netflix)

Best Drama - The Red Violin.  Film 4 production from 1999 following a unique violin through time across the world. Weird but good. (Prime)

Best Cinematography - Roma. Worth watching for the arty black and white even though not much happens.  The first ever Netflix film to be up for an Oscar. (Netflix)

Best Fantasy - King Arthur, legend of the sword.  Enjoyable, funny and superb giant animals. The best Guy Ritchie effort for a long time albeit with inevitable echoes of Snatch and Robin Hood  (DVD)

Best Arty - p(Pi). Quirky low-budget film in grainy black & white. (DVD)

Best Foreign Noir - Skin of the Wolf.  Spanish tale of wolf hunter in the Pyrenees and his unfortunate wives. Very grim.  (Netflix)

Best Pirates - Pirates of the Caribbean, Salazar’s Revenge.  A real hoot!  Hardly stopped laughing.  (Netflix)

Best Animation - Space Pirate.  Very convincing artwork especially the hair. (Prime)

Best New Christmas film - The Knight Before Christmas. Light-hearted but funny romance (Netflix).

Best Bible-inspired - Paul, Apostle of Christ.  Sort of follow-up to Quo Vadis. Shame about the cheesy, holy ending. (Netflix)

Best Sequel - El Camino, A Breaking Bad Movie.  Following the exploits of Jesse Pinkman after the series end.  Entertaining and funny in places with hilarious dialogue: “I already apexted!” (Netflix)

Close second - Creed II.  Better than the previous Creed.  Littered with meta-refs to old Rocky. (Netflix)

Best Re-telling of History - Black Death.  Grim but watchable tale of the plague in 1349. Sean Bean managed to not die straight away which made a bit of a change. (DVD)

Close second  - The King.  Reworking of Henry V.  Variable performances but  improved as it went along, ( Netflix)

Best Musical Collaboration - Vox Lux.  Tale of a young popstar’s rise to fame.   Interesting musical collab between Scott Walker and Sia. (Netflix)

Best Biopic and charity shop find - Before Night Falls. Interesting tale of a writer exiled from Cuba.  Featuring an early starring role for Javier Bardem  and two bit-parts from a pre-pirate Johnny Depp. (DVD)

Best of the Rest

Big Films

Best Oscar winner - Green Book.  Italian hardnut drives poncy black pianist from NY to deep south.  Good if a bit schmaltzy in places. (Prime)

Best Scorsese - The Irishman.  Much-anticipated and lauded epic at an astonishing 3.5 hours.  DeNiro back to his best as aging gangster with a lot of humorous touches such as the pensioner jail when they’re all wearing beige and shopping for his own coffin. (Netflix)

Best single take - Baby Driver. Entertaining, some funny bits and clever filming of scenes in one take, to the soundtrack. (Netflix)

Thriller

Best political - Miss Sloane.  About machinations of lobbying in Washington.  Interesting plot, good cast and unexpected twist at the end. (Netflix)

Best British – Remainder. Started weird and became even weirder as it went along. (DVD)      

Oddest - London Fields.  An odd do.  Trying to do a Jim Thompson but trying too hard.  An uncredited Johnny Depp provides a superb example of his character acting as cockney geezer. (Netflix) 

Silliest - American Assassin. Watchable but some ridiculous scenes, especially the boat fight at the end. (Netflix)

Sci-fi

Best British - The White Chamber.  Imaginative Brit horror sci-fi in a post-Brexit world! 

Best American - The Frame. Mind-bending sci-fi.  The two main characters think the other is off the telly. (Prime)

Best Asian - The Wandering Earth. Imaginative Chinese film wherein earth goes on a 25,000 voyage to another solar system. (Netflix)

Best Romantic - Upside Down.  An homage to the French tradition.  Nice and gentle. (Prime)

Most unfathomable - In the Shadow of the Moon. Complicated time-traveling effort. I literally lost the plot. (Netflix)

War

Best WWII – Hurricane. Tale of Polish pilots fighting with RAF in WW2.  Pretty good and very funny in places. (Netflix)

Most overrated – Dunkirk.   Mainly boring but contains good actors and details such as the spitfire flying without fuel. (Prime)

Best WWI - The Ottoman Lieutenant.  Girly as expected but very nice scenery and a good portrayal of an interesting time in history at start of WWI.  (Netflix). 

Most educational - The Photographer of Mauthausen.  Very interesting and educational.  About mainly Spanish communist and anarchist prisoners in a German concentration camp.  Stayed largely true to the real story with faithful reproductions of the actual photos. (Netflix).

Foreign

Best locations - Salt & Fire.  Odd but sometimes funny Werner Herzog do, filmed in Bolivian salt flats. (DVD)

Close second  - Tracker.  Well-told tale of Boer who goes to NZ after the war, tracks a Maori for money, ends up bonding. (Prime)

Most prophetic - A Fortunate Man. Interesting if over-long Danish tale of an engineering genius who ends up a loser.  From a series of books written at turn of century so the idea of harnessing natural power quite prophetic.  (Netflix)

Comedy

Best - Goodbye Stalin.  Amusing East German tale of a woman who goes into a coma and doesn’t know the Berlin wall has fallen. (DVD)

Darkest - A Perfect Day.  Wryly comic tale set in war-torn Bosnia. (Netflix)

Daftest – Mordecai. Johnny Depp capers about as posh English art collector conscripted to help find a stolen painting.  Ludicrous but a fun bit of escapism. Hilarious slapstick scene at the start was disappointingly not repeated. (Prime)

Fantasy

Best foreign language – Iceman.  Imaginative tale based on the remains of a stone age man found in the Alps.  Dialogue in ancient language descended from Etruscan. (DVD)

Best low-budget - Viking Destiny.  Cheap NI production with Terence Stamp as excellent Odin. (Netflix)

Best film based on a video game - Assassin’s Creed. Surprisingly good.  Great cast and fun location-spotting.  (Netflix)

Most gruesome - Valhalla Rising. Grim tale of pagans and Christians; One Eye escapes slavery and travels to the holy land which turns out to be the new world . Wise kid a bit like Jesus. (Prime)

Best dragons – Warbirds. Madcap story of women pilots fighting dragons at end of WW2. (DVD. 

Daftest Jackie Chan - Bleeding Steel.  Very silly but shiny, colourful, entertaining and good ideas about what to do with a cheap smartwatch and the USB port on a phone! (Netflix)

Graphic Novels

Best Marvel - Captain Marvel.  Iffy start but improves. Lovely homage to Stan Lee. (DVD)

Best DC - Wonder Woman.  Entertaining telling of the backstory of Diana as an Amazonian princess getting involved in WWI. (Prime)

Close second - Justice League.  Enjoyable romp featuring Batman and Wonder Woman and invention of The Flash. (Prime)

Weirdest – Snowpiercer.  Last remaining people on earth trapped on a train that perpetually circles a globe  covered in ice.  Based on a French graphic novel which explained a lot. (Netflix)

Crime

Best acting - The Launderette.   Big Short-type film about insurance scams. Excellent double act from Banderas and Oldman and superb turn from Meryl Streep. (Netflix)

Best gangsters - Once Upon a Time in London.  Educational and entertaining story of gangs in 1930’s  London. (Netflix)

Most authentic – Highwaymen.  Old rangers catch Bonnie & Clyde. Inevitable age jokes and authentic details about the demise of the psycho duo. (Netflix)

Most stylish – Blackhat.  Classy effort by Michael Man about dastardly hackers (Netflix)

Best British - Dead in a Week., Young man asks a hitman to do him in. Very British wry humour. (Netflix) 

True Life and Biopic

Best British - Kinky Boots. Northants shoe factory saved by making boots for drag queens. (telly box)

Most macho - The 12^th Man. Incredible story of possibly the manliest man in history escaping Nazis in ‘Fortress Norway’ with help from Magic reindeer (Netflix)

Close second - Only The Brave; true tragic tale of wildfire fighters, good but very macho.  (Netflix)

Most ridiculous - Pain & Gain. Bodybuilders turn criminal.  Initially sceptical that it was a true story, subsequent research revealed actual events were even more ludicrous.  You just can’t make this stuff up! (TV)

Close second - American Made. Tom Cruise as a pilot cum drugs runner for Escobar then the CIA and White House. Crazy stuff!  (Netflix)

Most intelligent – Changeling.  Excellent offering from Clint Eastwood about a boy who goes missing, police corruption etc. (DVD)

Most inspirational - The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind.  Chiwetel Ejiofor writes, directs and stars in this lovely film about a Malawian boy who saves his village by working out how to use wind power.  (Netflix)

Best cinematography - At Eternity’s Gate.  Decent biopic about Van Gogh with Willem Defoe. (Netflix)

Funniest - The Happy Prince.  Rupert Everett piles on the pounds to play Oscar Wilde in his latter years. (Netflix)

Most underrated - The Red Sea Diving Resort. Israeli/US operatives get Jews out of Ethiopia.  Unfairly bad reviews.  (Netflix)

Best Kevin Spacey replacement - All the Money in the World. Decent telling of the Getty story focusing on kidnapping of Paul 3.  Spot the one scene they couldn’t re-shoot! (Netflix)

Films Watched 2018

Stand-out film of the year - Black Panther.  A very enjoyable Marvel escapade featuring ace sets and battle rhinos! (DVD on loan)

Cinema - Muse: Drones.  A one-night only, world-wide cine event.  Really cool effects especially the robots, with some AR added especially for the film thus apparently better than the live tour. 

Best found gem - Chemical wedding.  Alistair Crowley as told by the mad brain of Brian Dickinson.  Like a good old fashioned Hammer Horror, with ace music. What a hoot!  (DVD)

Best Sci-fi - What Happened to Monday.  Fantastic Noomi Rapace as septuplets in a future with a strict one-child policy… lovin’ the anti-EU vibe, especially the evil Glenn Close/ ‘Hilary Merkle’. (Netflix)

Sci-fi horror – Bird Box.  Very good story and apparently a massive hit.  Annoyingly, the strange phenomena making people commit suicide was never explained (Netflix)

Best shiny sci-fi- Valerian.  A touch of the Avatars with a big nod to Fifth Element.  Some ace comic turns especially by Rihanna (DVD on loan/Netflix)

Best comedy sci-fi - Safety Not Guaranteed.  An original idea, quirky and good script (TV)

Scariest idea - Bushwick.  Imaginative tale of confederates making a resurgence – like IS in Brooklyn – with the excellent Dave Bautista and (Netflix)

Silliest sci-fi - Geostorm.  Far-fetched disaster movie but didn’t top 2012, but then nothing ever will). DVD on loan)

Most disturbing factual drama - The Institute. Wherein said institute drugged and groomed posh young women into being slaves. And the place didn’t shut till 2009!  Shocking!  (Netflix)

Most educational true story - The Big Short.  Really good explanation of the financial crash (DVD)

Best biopic – Black Mass.  Johnny Depp as the notorious gangster James ‘Whitey’ Bulger.  Odd seeing him with no hair. (Netflix)

Funniest biopic - The Disaster Artist.  Hilarious story of Tommy Wiseau, an enigmatic eastern European (Polish?) American who made a terrible movie called The Room, which became a cult classic. (DVD)

Best action film based on a true story – Operation Mekong. War on drug lords in the Golden Triangle. (Netflix)

Best sequel - T2: Trainspotting. A jolly good jape, with a couple of LOL moments, although it posed a tautology at the end; or did it? (Netflix)

Best comedy cast - Death of Stalin.  Very funny and ace cast especially Jason Isaacs as the head of the Red Army. (DVD)

Best Horror - ‘Errementari: The Blacksmith and the Devil.  A very dark, Basque tale of devils and demons with great scenes of hell. (Netflix)

Best demonic possession -Deliver us from Evil.  A Cop pairs up with a priest to deal with demonic possession with excellent punk collage art tips.  Would make a good TV series (Netflix)

Most stylish horror - Neon Demon.  Uber stylish and ace music but a tad thin on plot. (DVD)

Most imaginative horror – Ghoul Interesting low-budget Brit flick with handy tips on dealing with depression although it did not end well.  (DVD)

Best Poe derivative - The Raven.  Sicko copies murders from Edgar Alan Poe stories with shambling detective trying to find out whodunit. (DVD) 

Creepiest horror - The Babadook. Genuinely creepy Australian horror and very clever that kept you guessing until the end.  (TV)

Best heist film - Den of Thieves.  Very complicated heist but good old fashioned cops n robbers in many ways. (Netflix)

Best Acting Dog- Bullet Head.  Billed as a heist film, but no heist (a theme at present, like space films with no actual space).  More about a fighting dog who was the real star despite a great minimal cast of John Malkovich, Adrien Brody, Rory Culkin and Antonio Banderas.  (Netflix)

Best war movie - The Man with the Iron Heart. This re-telling of Prague in WW2 explained the story much better than others with scenes of training Czech resistance fighters in Scotland. (Netflix)

Best WWI - Forbidden Land.  Very relaxing for a war movie. (Netflix)

Best prequel to WWI – Sarajevo. How the assassination of Franz Ferdinand was all a set-up to precipitate WWI by blaming the Serbs.  Confirmed my suspicions about how horrendously pointless it all was!  (Netflix)

Best girly war film - Suite Francaise.  In many ways, the usual tale of woman in Nazi occupied France accused of being a collaborator but with a twist – it was written by a Jewish woman, during WWII.  The unpublished script was only recently discovered by her ancestors. (Netflix)

Most depressing - The Secret Scripture. A bunch of Irish Catholic Nazis! (Netflix)

Best action/thriller - Act of Vengeance.  Turkish film about man accused of terrorism.  (Netflix)

Best spy thriller - Operation Finale.  Israeli spy network fetches Eichmann for trial in Jerusalem. A good; old fashioned espionage tale.  (Netflix)

Best Crime thriller– Message from the King.  A bit of a turnaround with South African guy mingling with lowlifes of LA.  So remind me; which is the 3^rd world country?  (Netflix)

Best Foreign Crime - Invisible Guardian. Decent Spanish drama about FBI-trained cop going back to her homeland to find a serial killer.  (Netflix)

Best Asian film - Steel Rain.  Well -balanced Korean film showing perspectives from both north and south.  (Netflix)

Best NZ film– Dead lands.  Definitely the best NZ film I’ve ever seen, and the first in their native language.  (Netflix)

Best European– Gun City.  Tale of corrupt cops vs anarchists in 1920’s Barcelona.  (Netflix)

Best Historical - Outlaw King.  This story of Robert the Bruce had great battle scenes.  Not sure why it received mediocre reviews - maybe people don’t get the history. (Netflix)

Best historical characters– Fall of an Empire (aka Katherine of Alexandria).  Loved the assorted women of Briton!  (Netflix)

Most Hilariously low budget– 1897.  Told the tale of the demise of Benin.  Looked like they’d raided their mum’s linen cupboard and dressing up box for costumes and the props were made of gold foil.  Very am dram!  (Netflix)

Best Literary classic - Ben-Hur.  This 2016 version got slated by the critics. No idea why (DVD)

Best Western – Hostiles.  Christian Bale as a grizzled old vet in this atmospheric western. (DVD)

Most amusing western - In A Valley of Violence.  Set in a really crap town with a total cast of 14 including Ethan Hawke as his usual character, Karen Gillan with a creditable Yankee accent and John Travolta as useless marshal.  (Netflix)

Best kids - Beauty and the Beast. The best Disney I’ve seen in ages (DVD)

Best animation - Kubo.  Adorably cute and funny with lovely animation.  (Netflix)

Best version of the Jungle Book – Mowgli.  Andy Serkis excels with his amazing motion-capture people animals!  (Netflix)

Most ridiculous Action - F&F8.  Predictably ludicrous, especially the nuclear sub, with a brilliant piss take of U571 “It’s all in Russian!”

Best TV film – Calvary.  Irish priest knows he’s doomed but carries on anyway. (TV)

Best cross-cultural - Dragon Blade.  Roman legion meet Chinese warriors on the silk road (Netflix)

Best road trip – Kodachrome. Ed Harris as a grumpy old git.  Nice photos.  (Netflix)

Best pirates - God of War. Chinese vs Japanese pirates inspired by Johnny Depp.  (Netflix)

Best Idris Elba - Netflix – Beasts of No Nation (pretty good; Idris relished his turn as a warlord)

Best re-make - The Foreigner.   Intelligent re-make of the Chjnaman with Jackie Chan beating the IRA at their own game.  A good turn by Pearce Brosnan as NOT Gerry Adams.  (Netflix)

Top Easter Film - Risen.  Roman follows Jesus when he comes back from the dead. (Netflix)

Top Christmas film -  The Man who invented Christmas.  Wherein Dickens writes a Christmas Carol in 6 weeks (Netflix)

Top Christmas re-run - Children of Men.  Count how many people say ‘Jesus Christ!’ (DVD)