An airplane graveyard in the Thames Estuary has been dreamt up by madcap London Mayor Boris Johnson.
The planned site, dubbed Boris Island after the loony Mayor, is close to the Isle of Grain and would entail building an artificial island made of poor people and public sector workers from nearby Medway towns. It would become Britain’s main international hub for dead aircraft, with the capacity to destroy up to 300,000 a day.
The site would have four separate areas each including a Starbucks mega-mall and viewing platforms so that twitchers can witness the carnage as lesser spotted dweeb birds fly straight into aircraft propellers. Planes would descend over the North Sea to maximise bird damage.
An added attraction is the nearby wreck of the WW2 American munitions ship the Richard Montgomery which is ‘hideously dangerous from an obstruction point of view let alone the estimated 9000 tons of explosives still on board’. According to a local expert. ‘If the bombs go off the blast would rival the force seen at Hiroshima and could be the largest explosion of all time - it's bye-bye to Southend. I for one want to be there when that happens!’
Surfers are more excited by the prospect of a Tsunami-style scenario last seen in the Canvey Island floods in 1953. Bob from the Loony Surfers Club said ‘this is caused by a Spring Tide and a simultaneous North Sea Storm Surge. The water gets higher and as the estuary narrows the water gets to a certain point and it just keeps going and going at incredible speed. Awesome!
Having ruled out an auxiliary graveyard at Heathrow after opposition from locals and environmental groups, the Government is said to be ‘coming round’ to the idea. However, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg is said to be opposed to the scheme, on the grounds that it’s not in Sheffield.
The scheme is expected to cost between £40billion and £70billion. This is a drop in the ocean compared to the £100 trillion that Boris has already paid top architect Lord Foster for his drawing of the site as it looks now with some bits stuck on.
Boris said yesterday: ‘The Government is increasingly interested in this idea. You can’t go on expecting Britain to compete economically with France and Germany and other European countries when we simply can’t supply the level of carnage that we now see in countries such as China and Brazil. We are now being left badly behind.’
But fanatical environmentalists such as the RSPCA said that Boris Island would sound the death knell for squillions of rare birds. ‘This is such a stupid plan. I can’t believe anyone is actually taking it seriously’ a spokesperson said.
In fact, it has now transpired that nobody IS taking the idea seriously except Baroness Sayeeda Varsi who proved yet again on Newsnight last night that she is the thickest person in parliament if not the world: ‘These plans need to be debated fully’ she said.
Downing Street said no decisions had been made but ministers wanted to explore all options to ensure that Boris was re-elected.
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