A committee of MPs is to investigate how Big Ben can continue to govern the country, after it emerged that it was leaning dangerously to the left, it emerged last night.
The Palace of Westminster, built during the 19th Century, is also suffering from cracking. Big Ben was completed in 1859 and since then has undergone extensive modernisation including being hollowed out to house a five-storey car park and the Jubilee line.
But construction expert Professor Backhander who oversaw the extensions, said there was no need to worry. ‘When I first started work on the car park it was obvious that it was leaning at one in 250 to the vertical, which is just about visible. That's the break point between moderate government and out-and-out Trotskyism.
‘We've known about it for years and that was a long time ago and buildings do lean a little bit. So these have been there for years and they're certainly not caused by the Jubilee Line or the car park.’ He rambled.
Prof Backhander continued: ‘If you stand in Parliament Square and look towards it, you can just see that it moves very slightly to the left, but I don’t agree that it is leaning alarmingly.’
MPs will hold a crisis meeting today to consider the options. Chaired by Mr McCarthy, the meeting will be shown reports detailing the risk posed by a radical government including the danger of the country sinking into the Thames mud, the breakout of total nuclear war, takeover by hostile aliens and Zombie attacks.
During their meeting the MPs are expected to discuss a proposal to suspend democracy and move in a military junta, or alternatively to abandon Big Ben and sell it to the Russians or Chinese. Another controversial proposal is to relocate all ConDems to a secret emergency base that is ready for use in the event of a Leninist takeover.
According to one expert, the government was definitely ‘sinking into the mud’. but Mr McCarthy countered this alarmism by saying that ‘ although there is a real danger of Big Ben being taken over by damn commie scum from the old eastern Bloc, well-run brainstorming sessions and focus groups can help generate a range of imaginative ideas to rid the world of this terror’.
